Tuesday, April 22, 2008

"You can't fill up when you're holding your breath."*

For the handful of you who are kind enough to occasionally click over and see what's going on in my world, I apologize for the extreeeme lack of activity. You've begged, you've pleaded, you've even given me gifts to lure me back. And I'm sorry to say it, but this is not probably not exactly the return you had in mind.

Turns out that right now I'm focusing on a few very key things, the most prominent being a spiritual rut I've recently found myself in. When this happens, I read. A lot. Not necessarily books on faith, but I try to allow words to reach in and move SOMEthing inside me. I hate feeling stagnant, bored. And while I'm now attending church regularly, I'm going to different churches each time, searching for something...better? more comfortable? And trying to decide why the place where i worship seems to matter so much to the strength of my faith, and if that's a healthy balance. But it's not all about finding a church, it's also about redefining who I am and what I believe. Which some days feels pretty damn daunting. And maybe also a tiny bit more important than thinking of a clever blog topic.

During the other hours of my day I work. Work is going very well right now, thank you for asking, however I've recently been given a lot more responsibility and am having trouble reconciling my feeling of accomplishment with my constant worry that it's too much and I'll inevitably screw something up and ruin the foundation forever. And no, I'm not that important at all, but you already know that I exaggerate. But I really am adjusting to this whole concept of responsibility and trying not to be completely abysmal at it, which takes at least a little energy each day.

So, with all of this introspection and 9-5 gobbledy gook, I haven't had much time for this lovely little (lonely) blog. Or much time to clean my apartment. Both are pressing issues that I promise to remedy as soon as I possibly can. I assure you that the wittycreativeandlighthearted girl you seek will return here eventually. When she's not feeling so daggum grown up and little all at the same time.

*I'm convinced that Ann Lamott can read my soul. Seriously.